things feel fragile, more taut and frayed, than usual. i need to do things that i'm not doing. everywhere, there are post-it-note/envelope/receipt scraps of paper covered in scrawled to-do-lists that i just NEVER DO. its getting unreasonable. the things weigh on me. deadlines, due dates, impending consequences. for fucks sake. what am i doing?

sudden moments of sunlight flooding in through the basement window at work are shockingly important to my mood. listening to gnarls barkley and joking around with the kids in the next room. the office smelling like pizza. this life is making less and less sense. i am squinting into the possible futures, hoping there is some clarity somewhere.

i'm better at this life than a lot of you are though. its surprising, but true.